this is real, this is me.

And as we chatted for the few hours that lasted eternity, i came to realise that all of us had problems. Be it big or small, family or relatinship problems, life seems to have a bigger picture of us all. The people who are truly successful in life all overcame these problems to came to what they are today. They had to outwit and outclass people with the same difficulties. And most importantly, they had to outlast anyone in the same rat race with them :)

The 5 of us, Alson, Jiayi, Bevan, Ashley and me all faced problems and from the detached perspective, we all know that life will not be easy. It might look like life has in place alot of stepping stones for us to climb and get over, but only the strong are enough to face it on their own and overcome it. With nothing more but a trong mindset, this is what we are : FIGHTERS.

:)

1:06 PM

6 digit value business plan in the making.
God bless me.

Merry fuckin xmas everyone.

11:43 PM

So many things to do,
So little time for me.

I need to run.
I need to train up on my physique.
I need to cut my drinking.
I need to tan.
I need to gym.
I need to get my license.
I need to read more.
I need to earn more money.
I need to clear all my debts.
I need to figure a way to climb to the top.
I need to figure out my future.
I need to plan for my life.
I need to learn not to be greedy.
I need to be patient.
I need to learn to be impartial.
I need to model more successful people.
I need to stop worryin and take action.
I need to turn my life around even if it's dark.
I need to sometimes let other people teach me what to do.
I need to respect people more.

MID LIFE CRISIS AT 22.

So little time so much to do,
I'd rather spend one day with you.

10:52 PM

Maybe along the midst along all my wealth i forgot who i was. Maybe along the way of pride i lost track of what i really wanted. This will be a chance for me to find myself again. I look at others and then realise im falling behind too. But on my journey up again i will be humble. I will take things as and when they come along the way.

Guess what i need to do is just to study hard now.

Got see people take chopper and cut birthday cake before not.

Haha, but thanks ling.

2:47 AM

And as we ponder over our daily lives what we normally like to plan for the future endeavours, one man stands at 21 and releases all his hopes that support his breaths. It's not the same anymore, maany a times which i once felt things were still within control, but the bank numbers dont show. The accounts dont reveal a normal figure. Of which once that displayed 5 digit incomes every month, MOST if it is gone.

What lays left is just the foundation of where i started, nothing else is around. I've heard of the mid life crisis term many times, never thought it would once happen to me. Im worried for my future. It might seem normal for me to start life anew as just a normal spoilt brat of a rich fucker but i dont want to be one . I wanna be independent person. Im a student now, i cant work no matter how much i want to.

Imagine being almost close to bankrupt, at 22, and all my dreams for my car and house have been dashed. Imagine holding such high, maybe too high hopes of one's self and then everything comes tumbling now. I dont doubt my abilities, neither do i doubt that it is not my fault. I have been impatient, and greedy, and i guess it's all the most expensive lesson in my life. Accumulated losses of 30 - 40k have been the calculated hit. All my profits from the stock market have been evaporated. Watch your own back.

I tried to smile the past few days, but it all didnt come genuinely.

Sigh, the past few days have been torturous, and i still worry about the near future. It's been sometimes since i saw these miserable figures in my bank account.

But, I'll be strong..
Dont encourage me or motivate me;
I know what to do.

IT's been a while since i felt confident like this :

11:19 AM

BANKRUPTY 5 DAYS AFTER MY BDAY.
FUCK.

6:24 AM

This is my blog. I dont blog about my outings. I dont blog about who i go out with. I dont blog about what i do or where i went. I dont blog about who i see or who i meet. I blog about my feelings. So if this bores you, dont bother to continue or bookmark this page of bullocks.

I lost big in the stock market. You can say my dreams are dashed. The Singapore Stock Exchange was a threshold for me to accumulate my wealth. On good months 20 fucking thousand per month wasnt a problem. And i spent money like it was water. I spent it like no one's business. I spent 2k per month on liquor. And people around me liked it. And from there i noticed the friends you have when you throw money around. And i was disappointed in a few people. It's differnt now. I have no money. I owe people money. And all the happiness is short lived. I passed 6 months as a trader, thought it would be able to substain my labelled lifestyle.

At 21 i spent 3k per month buying label stuff. And i realised it was all for nothing. If i ever get to earn that kind of money again, i will save it all up. If i had a chance again i will ensure i live a normal person's life. There's no need to parade around in labels. All i get is recognition. And it doesnt make me any happier. I just wanna be a normal person.

I had a talk with her yesterday. She held a first class honours degree in Atuacity and i dont know what the hell it was. I scrutinized the way she spoke and searched for her programms under within. She spoke with an inner fear. But it was a feeling of unfamiliarity that ruled the air. She modernised the conversation with easy and slow words. We conversed like i was a kid and she was a teacher. It was like we were worlds apart. I felt so much like a child.

And then i saw the differnces spaces we lived in. I thought i was one of the best in my group, and then i compared myself with her. I reflected, and realised that the world i was in consisted of nothing but enjoy enjoy and enjoyment. I felt embarassed at the manner i expressed myself. I need to improve my demeanour. I cannot be portrayed as a hooligan. I cannot be pictured as a gangster. Nor could i feel like i was a low class person.

I hold high dreams of myself. And although it might not be obvious, it is also that i wanna show a happy side of me. There are many issues i have to settle with myself. All are within my grasp, and i need to bring myself up to the next level. Maybe for the next few weeks or months i will try to spend alone. I wanna concentrate on my studies too. It feels like i've already wasted a whole shitload of my life. And it's time to do something.

It cant be explained. You cant see it. Maybe you can only feel it. Watch me next year.

7:41 AM

AND FOR THE VIDEO OF THE YEAR,
THE SMILING DRUNK FELLA !

PARTEH OF DA YEAR.
ACTUALLY I NOT DRUNK ONE JUST HIGH.
IS YOU FUCKERS DONT LET ME WALK ONLY.

LOL.
HAD A FUCKING GREAT TIME LOVES :)

8:27 AM

HAHA. I THINK IM NOT GOING TO POST THE PICS. SO MANY LOR.
YOU ALL CAN GO LING'S BLOG TO SEE EVERYTHING.
I THINK SHE GRADUATE CAN BECOME JOURNAL WRITER ALREADY.

WWW.FOR-SAKEN.BLOGSPOT.COM

4:05 AM

THANKS ALL :

Thanks to all that attended my birthday celebration. I guess you all saw what you all wanted to see. Concussion of THE KENKEN. LOL. Well i reckon there were to many people at the time , i couldnt make everyone drunk. haha. but some were damn high lor. JACK ccb ah. pour for yu never drink wait so long. Like ah gua liddat. LOL.

And i remembered i fell down at Powerhouse. Haha. My memory that night lasted only till 3am. after that were only flashes of pictures around and i duno what already. Flashes at Shuling house, the cab, Ernest talking to me, then the next thing i knew i was on my bed. LOL

But it was a fucking enjoyable birthday. We met again, It was nice seeing and talking to you. I told myself after my 22nd birthday i will cut drinking. Start To stable down, less boat quay. Matured outings with matured people.
And my wonderful resolution :
I GIVE MYSELF 1 YEAR FROM TODAY TO EARN MY 100K :)

PS : Pictures in a while, waiting for Ling to send me the pics :)

12:51 AM

1 MORE DAY TO MY BDAY !
CELEBRATION AT ST JAMES POWERHOUSE TML !
ALOT OF DRINKIN TO BE DONE :)
I LAZY BLOG LA.
LOL.

GL HF GG.

5:29 PM

I am excited about my mayhemic day. But i think you guys are more into it than me. I reckon if that day i dont concuss i will put up a fucking good show for you all to see ok.

VOTE FOR YOUR FASTEST DRUNKARD :

1) ZHA HU PING GUO
2) THE FAT SPAMMER
3) JIAYIIIIIIIII
4) THE GIRL THAT LOVES BQ RIVER ( LING )
5) KERLYN THE TALKKERRRR
6) GUILONG SAUSAGE
7) GUOXUAN DRUNKARD
8) EMO MELMEL
9) BEEETHOVEN ( BEVAN )
10) KENKEN ( YAO )

LOL

11:12 AM

Wow, birthday havent reach all want me to die already.
Can see how much you all hate me.
Hahaha. NO FLAMING DRINKS ON SATURDAY OK.

This is what a Flaming Lambo and Waterfall did to me last saturday :

HAVE A FUCKING GOOD SATURDAY.
GOD BLESS ME.
HAPPY FUCKING 22ND BDAY.
6 DEC 1986 - 6 DEC 2008
PLACE OF DEATH : ST JAMES POWERHOUSE

LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

8:46 AM

why my birthday like everyone more anxious than me like that.
want see show right.
lol.

8:44 AM